10 Rules for Dachshund Owners

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So you have seen those adorable Sausage Dogs invading our TV screens recently – seems everywhere you look you see these funny little chaps trotting about. Don’t be deceived into believing that these cute little Sausages are going to be an easy addition to family life. By their very nature dachshunds are stubborn and tenacious, incredibly loyal and loving, but they know their own mind. Training them is, in my experience, very much on their own terms! In all honesty you don’t own a dachshund, a dachshund owns you…

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners – as Written by a Human Owned by a Dachshund

 

This Mum's Life
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The Great Car Journey

 

It all started like any other car  journey from my parents back home. I gathered the various items that had been scattered to the 4 corners of the house. I then stuffed them into our suitcases before attempting to play Tetris with various items in the boot. I don’t know why I I insist on bringing the pram wheels.  We never use them but I like to be prepared. So having finally stuffed everything in I begin the task of wrestling Pie into his shoes and persuading him that yes he will need a wee before he gets in the car.

Meanwhile Nana is changing Pudding and attempting to feed her some milk. Nappy change went well, getting milk in her, not so good. Pudding is one of those babies who eats only when she wants too and all of natures elements are in line. The sausage dogs have yet another toilet run. My dad mentions something about my boy sausage but I figure it’s probably nothing and finally I load two children and two dogs into the car. Phew what a mission, but least now they are all confined it shouldn’t be too bad right?

Sausage Dog

Oh had I known then what I know now…. We set off and I tell Pie we will need to stop for petrol, and he immediately starts listing all the things he wants from the garage. We stop and fill up, I notice as I am paying they have one of those traffic board things and its flagging up problems on the M25. I moan to the chap at the desk, he laughs and says we usually just leave that one up as there is always some problem! At this point I think; it’s all right for you mate you haven’t got the equivalent of an H bomb sitting in your car….

I climb back in, surprisingly all is quiet and Pie takes it quite well that I have not brought sweets. Quick check on Google maps shows the M25 is at standstill. Damn, work out new route to join the motorway a bit further up, battery on phone really low but I reckon it will last, off we go….

The first part of the journey is a doddle, all kids and dogs have a snooze and I sing along quite happily to the radio, admiring some of the beautiful towns near where my parents live. As we join the motorway I am feeling quite smug all the cars are moving quite well, my plan has worked. Well it has for 3 minutes and then we found the traffic. An hour later Pie woke up and we were still sat on the motorway. I handed him a sponge finger and we talked about the aeroplanes that kept flying over our heads. It was at this point Pie said ‘never mind the sick Spotty Dog, I have some on my trousers too it’s ok’ to which I said ‘what sick mate?’ Well it transpired that the boy sausage had been sick on his bed.

When the traffic stopped again I turned round to see two huge piles of sick on the dog bed and my boy sausage looking very sorry for himself. My girl sausage was disgusted with him and she had got down and was lying in Pies footwell. Pie just shrugged and said never mind Mummy, I couldn’t believe he was taking it so well!

It was 5 minutes later when Pie started laughing like a mad person that things really went down hill. There was a slight squelchy bottom noise from the back, followed by ‘Mummy, Toby is having a poo’. Good lord that wasn’t a poo, that was explosive dog diarrhoea, all over the back of the car! I can’t even describe to you the smell, but suffice to say in a hot car it was pretty awful! Pie and I looked at the stand still traffic and we just laughed and laughed, what else could we do?

I have to say an hour and half later we were not laughing quite so hard. Pudding had woke for a feed and was screaming her lungs out, the air in the car can only be described as chewy. Finally we turned off the motorway and into the service station. The clean up operation was a nightmare. Pie was a star, he stood outside the car for 20 mins while I removed the dogs and tied them to a tree, threw their bed in a bin and wiped the whole back seat down with a baby wipe. (Honestly I haven’t found anything that a pack of baby wipes can’t clean).

Once the dogs were loaded back into the car, we went to grab a MacDonalds, because at times like this the only thing you can do is eat. Unfortunately we had to go back and eat this in the car, which was still pretty grim but we couldn’t leave the dogs in the car on their own. Once everyone was fed and watered we got back on the road and finally got home after 6 hours of travelling, luckily with no further disasters!

This trip has taught me a valuable lesson, when Grandad says ‘your dogs got a bit of an upset tummy’, you should listen to him and take travelling precautions. Suffice to say the car has had to be valeted today.

Photo Credit: MAIDMENT via Compfight cc

Pink Pear Bear

Pink Pear Bear

I am coming back as a Sausage Dog

As I write this the house is quiet, kids are in bed, husband at work, the peace is broken only by the rhythmical snores of the two Sausage Dog’s asleep on the sofa. Seriously how can two small dogs snore that loudly? There are never enough hours to sleep according to the Sausages, unless of course I walk towards the kitchen and then there might be some food.

So these are my top 10 reasons for being a Sausage Dog:

1. You are so cute and long looking that despite looking quite hilarious as you waddle along everywhere you someone says ‘awwww look a Sausage’ and they let you lick their face, unaware that you have just finished your second breakfast which consisted of poo.

2. You have stealth like cuddle capabilities, no matter how many times you have been told to get off the couch you still manage to slink your way on to visitors’ lap’s and get them to stroke you before anyone has even noticed.

3. You can sit at the top or the bottom of the stairs and whimper and someone will either carry you up or down depending on your desire, because you have managed to convince them that you are incapable of doing this yourself, which brings us nicely on to…

4. You can fool people into thinking that food left on the dining table is totally out of your reach because you are only 6 inches high – its not however actually true because you are a secret ninja assassin and will climb up using chairs, boxes etc and then whine until someone picks you back up off the table. (You can’t get down because you have demolished an entire cheese and meat selection and resemble a barrel).

5. Your eyes are enough to make the hardest persons heart melt and can persuade your humans to feed you things from the table and to let you come up and sleep on their bed when one of the parents is on a night shift and that makes you feel sad.

6. Your powers of manipulation know no bounds when it comes to wrangling out of a walk in the rain. You know if you hide or refuse to put your harness on for long enough that Mummy will give up and just cuddle up on the sofa with you for another nap.

7. Somehow you manage to convince your human parents that the kennels are an evil place where there is no love for a Sausage, which means you no longer have to go there but get to either travel everywhere with your humans or they will pay exorbitant money to have a lovely Lady come stay in the house and look after you while they are away.

8. Any drink left unattended is yours, by divine right, if its on the floor or a low shelf its fair game. Your favourite pray is Mummy’s tea (that she leaves for half a second to stop Pie putting his wand in his nose again) its perfect drinking temperature…. oooh yummy.

9. You have been blessed with a very long and sleek nose that is perfect for getting into trouble with. You love nothing more than sticking it in the changing bag and stealing ANY item, edible or inedible. Your Dad never learns that this is your favourite trick, and although it makes him unbelievably cross it’s so worth it when you steal his hot pasty out of his bag after a 16 hour day!

10. Finally it has to be your ability to eat everything and anything. You are totally food obsessed and you can break into any bin and gorge on 4 day old bacon with no serious issues. Or your absolute personal favourite – a wet and dirty nappy that you can rip to pieces leaving your human to clean up tiny poo particles!

As you can probably see being a Sausage Dog is a pretty good life, what would you come back as if you got the chance?

Love Pudding’s Mum x

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