5 Ways Your Sausage Dog Loves You 

Every one knows Sausage Dogs have tiny legs – but have you heard about their huge hearts? For a small dog they have so much love to give! Loyal to the end and fiercely protective, these long lovelies can melt the hardest of hearts.

How I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways:
  • These eyes are the window to my soul! Have you seen the way a dachshund looks at you. So much character in just a look, a slight raised eyebrow. Whether it’s cheeky, feigned innocence or just pure love. Those eyes tug at the heartstrings. Even if they have eaten the toe off your best stilettos you can forgive them anything.
    PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay
  • The sneaky cuddles. If you have a dachshund you will know what I mean about sneaky. One minute you are sitting quietly with a brew. Next minute there is a sausage dog on your knee. You don’t even know how they got there. But your long-bodied four-legged friend can’t bear to be away from you. Let’s face it though they do give the best cuddles.
  • Need a hot water bottle for this cold winter nights? Not if you own a dachshund! Whether they slip under the duvet and keep you warm at night or curl quietly round your feet of an evening. These guys are warm, toastie in fact. Just don’t leave your hot chocolate unattended. They may love you, but warm chocolatey drinks are a different story…
    condesign / Pixabay
  • Forget comfort food or ice cream. When you are feeling down nothing makes you feel better quite like a Daxie. Whether you want to wallow in self-pity whilst scratching their tummy. Or if you need them to make you smile, and give you some motivation they seem to know what to do. Unless it involves a walk in the rain – then you are on your own, crisis or no crisis!
    skeeze / Pixabay
  • Kiss me quick! These guys are short in height but my they have a long tongue. They love nothing more than giving out free kisses. Usually just as you opened your mouth to speak… As a Daxie owner you are never far from a quick slobbery lick, they just can’t help themselves. You kind of wish they wouldn’t give out the free kisses quite as much. Then they look at you with those eyes and you are back to square one!!

Can you think of any others these cute little guys show us their love?

WerePuddings Revenge on a Giraffe Eating Sausage

I would firstly like to state that I am not a WerePudding this recent nickname coined by my mother is both unfair and untrue. This is however, my revenge story. Remember how I told you that stealthy Sausage had eaten my Sophie Giraffe? Well the time is now right to get him back. Revenge they say is a dish best served cold. I am serving this colder and more unpleasant than rice pudding from the fridge. Yes Mother I am talking to you here. Cold rice pudding is disgusting and if you offer it to me again I will throw it at you.

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Where was I? Oh yes revenge on that sly Sausage. Those dogs have been getting more brazen than ever of late. Clearly they are enjoying the weaning phase. (Mum calls them the clean up crew. But why she lets them lick my face clean…) Still I can sit up now and I finally have control over these hands. Giraffe stealing boy Sausage has taken to sitting next to me. I know he is after my new monkey. I shall defend that monkey to the death believe me. I can’t face another loss like Sophie.

So he sidles over the other day. It startles me slightly to find him so close. I swear he has stealth technology. Anyway it puts me off my game and I topple face first onto the couch next to him. I then realise how close his ears are. So I grab one. Oooh this is fun, tug, tug. Mother removes his ear from my hand. Ah ha I think, this could be good. I spend the next 10 minutes toppling forward and grabbing bits of him. Mum banishes him from the sofa! Excellent 1-0 Pudding.

I have now taken to torturing him at every opportunity. If Mum takes her eyes off me for a second I try to grab him. He is stupid though. He doesn’t learn. The other day I had actually managed to grab his tail and start chewing on the end before he moved. Mum has had to separate us. Both Sausages are now banned from being near me, for their own safety!


Still the game is afoot and once I get crawling those Sausages had better watch themselves. I’ll teach you to eat my Sophie. That tail is so getting pulled…


 

 

5 Reasons My Dachshunds Deserve an ASBO!

So despite the current fall out from Brexit, Friday was in fact National Take Your Dog To Work Day. Hooray I hear dog lovers up and down the country cry. I can bring my furry four-legged friend to the office!

Alas for me this is not an option, not only because I am a nurse (Sausages do not fit into the current infection control policy. Especially as my Sausage is a notorious poo eater!) But because taking these two anti-social weiners any where would be foolish. It’s not that they don’t like people. I mean they are anti-social in the fact that they should really be wearing a tracking tag!

Dachshund
Photo Credit: Jonne Naarala via Compfight cc
Top Anti-Social Dachshund Behaviours

1: Unwanted Advances: Endless Licking

Yes the occasional well-timed lick can be quite sweet. But full on facial washing, including the back of your throat? Is at best unpleasant. If it follows after a bit of poo eating, it is downright disgusting!

 2: Petty Theft: 

Picture the scene. You leave your seat for 2 minutes, probably to get a biscuit! There is half a mug of tea, just right for drinking by your side. You arrive back – no tea! There is no culprit to be seen, except out of the corner of your eye you see a black tail whip round the sofa…

(Please note that any remaining tea is now not drinkable. Remember the poo-eating?!)

3: Excessive Noise:
You don’t know it but the world is a dangerous place. But after an hour with  two Sausages your nerves will be shot. Every time someone moves they will bark, a car pulls up. Bark. Postman. Bark. Spider. Bark. Bird sings six streets away. Bark. Got the picture?

4. Public Urination:
Although house trained, accidents with Dachshunds are nearly as frequent as with toddlers. Particularly when meeting new people. Its not a great way to make friends. Especially in the summer with open toed sandals…

5: Pick Pocketing:

Leaving your handbag unattended is never recommended. But you would think placing it at the floor by your feet would make it quite safe. Wrong. These two make Fagan look like an amateur. They will have their nose in your bag quick as a flash. Before you know it the entire contents will be strewn through the house. All in search of the tiniest morsel of food.

Dachshund
preetygoodi / Pixabay

So you see their crimes are many and varied! Probably the best idea is to assume that they are up to know good at all. Remember silence with dachshunds is suspicious, very suspicious!

Sausage Monologues: Post-Holiday Hound

Hang on a second here. What is with all the suitcases? Everyone looks quite excited. Are we going away for a few days? I don’t think Mum has packed my lead… Hang on a second what’s that you are saying Mum?

‘Come on Flick out the way…. No sweetheart you aren’t coming.’

What?! Not coming? Who will Protect you? Who will clear up the crumbs and weaning misadventures? I see well I know my place…


*Curl into bed looking reproachful*

Oh so you are coming to say goodbye are you? I will take that biscuit but only because it’s been 49 minutes since I had breakfast. Don’t tell me to be good, because I am already deciding on suitable punishments for this abandonment. When you shut that front door my brother and I are going HOWL…

*four days later, two thin and starving dogs are waiting (ok that’s an exaggeration 45 minutes later the dog sitter arrives)*

Oooh it’s you! How long are you staying? Did you bring those treats you know I love? Ah fab a walk! I could definitely stretch my legs…


*several hours later*

Ah can we sit with you on the couch? Excellent, I will snuggle in here with you…. That was an enormous tea you gave me, Mum is usually much more stingey. So you are staying tonight? Brilliant that means two walks tomorrow and more couch cuddles. This is the life…


*5 days later, 1 hour after dog sitter has left. Front door opens…*

You’re back!!! Hooray! Quick head count. Dad, small pink one, medium blue one and the betrayer. Dad, Dad I am so pleased to see you! Look how trim I am looking after all my walks. Don’t speak to me betrayer, my initial welcome was a moment of weakness. I am going to sit on my bed and stare at the radiator…

Nope that biscuit is not going to work. I will eat it only because I hate waste. No I won’t sit on the couch with you or show you my tummy. Talk to the paw cos the face ain’t listening. Please serve my dinner with minimal interaction…. There is no point cuddling me. I won’t forgive you for this. If you hadn’t shut your bedroom door I would have vomited on your pillow while you were gone. I can’t even bear to look at you, I am going to bed…

*next morning*

MUM! Oh I love you. So pleased you are home. Scratch my ears while I fire myself at your knees. Yes breakfast would be grand, then can I come sit with you??

Diary of an imperfect mum

The Tale of The Very Hungry Sausages

This week at Pudding HQ we have been struggling to get the floors replaced following a slight flood! Stressful enough you might think but add to the mix a preschooler, a teething 5 months old and two Sausages and frankly it becomes almost impossible!

Naughty Sausages

The whole house was in disarray as the entire down floor was being replaced. I opted to take the kids out leaving Mr P to project manage and watch the Sausages. This was a mistake… When the flooring guys and Mr P needed to move the fridge they emptied the contents on to the lawn, where the Sausages were sunbathing. (Having scared the flooring guys to death already by barking like a couple of Doberman!) Now I would have said that this was probably one of the most foolish ideas poor Mr P has had in a while, because by the time he realised how silly this was the Sausages had eaten the majority of the fridge contents! It reads a little like the Saturday in The Hungry Caterpillar:

1 x block of Mature Cheddar (unopened)

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

1 x Pork & Cider Casserole (left over from the previous night)

2 x Carrots

1 x Pack of Continental Meats

1 x Tub of Creme Fraiche

6 x Half Eaten Mushrooms (clearly not a favourite)

1 x nibbled Pepper (not man enough for that)

You would think after this list that the Sausages would be satisfied, surely two small dogs could eat nothing further? Wrong! Not satisfied with the fridge contents they then started on the wooden spoons/spatulas that had also been moved outside. My best wooden spoon was totally destroyed! When I arrived back with the children both Sausages were more like burgers! (They were also quite chastened as I can only imagine how cross Mr P would have been).

The end of the story? No. I went out later that day to take Mr P somewhere, without thinking I left the changing bag (will I ever learn) downstairs and I left my work bag on the stairs. Because the Sausages were snoozing innocently on their bed, I stupidly left them free run of the house. Another HUGE mistake! On returning home, it became clear that there is no end to the stomach of a Sausage! In the 45 minutes I had been gone they added the following to their Hungry Caterpillar list:

4 x French Fancies (including half the cardboard box)

1 x Mr Kipling Angel Cake (plastic wrapping spotless)

2 x Mars Bars (taken from the unopened multi-pack and unwrapped from their original packages)

The last items were a huge concern to me, I mean everyone knows that chocolate is poison for dogs, despite being mad at them for eating MY Mars bars (I was saving those for the evening), I watched them like a hawk debating whether they needed veterinary attention. My concern was unnecessary, I should have know that these two are indestructable, apart from waddling about all evening due to being so stuffed with the days spoils (they still requested their dinner, a request that I have to say was denied!) there were no ill effects. A few extra poos for me to clean up that was all…

They didn’t even have the decency to look guilty about their exploits –  therefore I have no choice but to sit them down and drum into them the following mantra ‘I am A Dachshund not a Dustbin!’

The PramshedMumzilla

Still not a Swiss Roll, But I have Big Love for Pie

Pudding & Pie having a cuddle
Hey Pudding Fans,

See what I did there? I got a little sports reference in, Dad would be proud. Speaking of Dad he made me sit and watch the FA cup semi-final on Saturday, apparently he was supposed to be giving me my bed time bottle but it wasn’t very relaxing! He kept jumping out of the chair and making me almost wet myself with his over-enthusiastic shouting. Mummy just tutted at him, it’s ok for her she wasn’t the one who nearly drowned on several occasions. I am only 4 months but I already have an inkling that I won’t be a huge football fan…

What I am a fan of though (other than parsnip) is my big brother Pie, he is awesome 😆, he is probably the only one who understands what it is like living in this mad house with these ridiculous dogs. He is getting pretty good at communicating my needs to mother, although I do get a little indignant when he tells me I am a ‘grumpy poo pants with grumpy bits!’ I mean how is a girl supposed to react to such a statement? I have managed to accept this crazy Harry Potter phase and we now regularly curl up together while he watches it, still not a great lover of wands though. Probably because there is always that fear that I might lose an eye (a fear shared by mother dearest).

I think this week Mum may have lost her mind slightly as she brought this crazy thing downstairs and hung it in a door frame then put me in it! There I was suspended, barely touching the floor. I did a few little bounces and she thought that was great but then Toby (that giraffe stealing sausage) licked my face so I clouted him on the nose (that was revenge for Sophie). Pie decided that what I needed was for him to bounce me which ended up in me getting cross and vomiting on the carpet in a moment of protest, suffice to say I don’t think Mum will be trying that out again anytime soon!

I would like to say that I had an update regarding the rolling – but as of yet I have not been able to work the magic. The elusive rolling, remains a mystery to me. Pie has been ‘helping’ but again not a great ending (more sick more  cross Pudding). Mum says I will get there – but when, it’s just so frustrating, there are so many naughty things I could be getting up to if I could just move. Saying that I am hoping to really catch her off guard and roll off her bed one morning while she is putting her knickers on…

Anyway enough rambling from me – mum says its parsnip for tea and as you know this girl loves a bit of parsnip!

Love Pudding xx

Petite Pudding
Cuddle Fairy

My Dastardly Dachshund

**Disclaimer For those of you with slightly weak stomachs or who have recently eaten this is an advanced warning that this post contains a lot of items pertaining to poo, poo eating and general poop sandwiches. If you find the idea of this disgusting or are easily offended, I strongly recommend that you read no further and don’t buy a dachshund…**

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For the rest of you please let me introduce Flick my beautiful smooth haired mini daxie, look at that face…. Butter wouldn’t melt right? WRONG. This dog was sent from Poo City in the land of Eatanykindashit to terrorise me at Pudding HQ. Flick has always had the tendency to be a garbage disposal unit, she is the only dog I know who can scale a dining table and at only 8 inches tall that’s pretty impressive, but its not her food stealing that really gets to me its the non-food substances. There is nothing worse than having a dog who consistently eats poo – she has no limitations what so ever, horse poo, rabbit poo, and her personal favourite fox poo. She loves that last one so much that we have to keep a bottle of ketchup just for her so that we can wash her in it after she has rolled through a great steaming pile…. but enough of her general misdemeanours, let me tell you about today.

The general Sausage behaviour at Pudding HQ has seen some improvement in the last few weeks, and in hindsight this was probably the reason I let my guard down. I was fooled into a sense of security by a couple of chipolatas… Tonight I had to pop to the Drs and with Mr Pudding at work this meant I had to take Pudding & Pie with me and the appointment was right on tea time. Not a great beginining but manageable I thought. Kids loaded into car, no need to take all the usual stuff, we weren’t going to be long. Arrive at the Drs – speak to receptionist, sinking realisation that the appointment is in fact next week, damn! Get kids back in the car and head home, we have been all but 15 minutes maximum…

 

Open the front door. Strangely there is no barking which is unusual, normally both dogs go crazy. Look into the living room and down towards the kitchen to see Flicks pig-like hind quarters wobble round a corner. Then the carnage that is the front room hits me! In the 15 minutes we have been gone Flick has decided that she wants to get into the changing bag , where completely forgotten is an unopened dairylea dunker, or should I say there was! There is now a pristine clean empty dairylea dunker package on the couch, whilst the floor has fallen victim to what was probably only 3 tissues but at this point looks like about 1000…

The entire contents is out of the changing bag and as I begin to clear up the mess I put my hand in something sticky. There it is that moment of complete horror when you realise that the dog has in fact pierced the bonjela teething gel and has eaten half the tube, I whip round to see where she is and if she is ok. At this point Flick is laid on her bed looking at me, slightly quizzically.

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She knows I am angry but she knows if she stays still I will probably just let it go. I guess she probably would have licked me as an apology but her lips and tongue were numb (bonjela appears to be more effective on numbing dog faces than baby gums…) Having cleared up changing bag carnage, I feed the kids, deal with a huge eight legged creature who had to meet a watery end down the plug hole (I have a poo eating sausage dog to contend with I don’t have time or braveness to handle humane removal of hairy spiders as well). We all have a lovely bath time and head up stairs for a story.

About 10 mins later I send Pie down to grab the potty in case he needs the loo in the night. Cue an almighty scream followed by ‘MUM there is POO EVERYWHERE’. Oh no, damn damn damn, in my haste to get the kids to bed I have left Puddings disgusting post immunisation nappy folded on the top of the bathroom bin ready to take straight outside. Except now it isn’t on the bin, no no, its strewn all. over. the. house. Those who have never had a nappy shredded may not realise that a wet nappy is full of gel beads that are quite slimey and on top of this is a layer of loose evil smelling poop. I put the kids to bed, the damage is done now after all! As i come down the stairs an awful smell hits my nostrils, I walk through the dining room, stepping over some poo covered wipes, Toby is on his bed shaking and looking thoroughly disgusted (Toby hates poo, he is more of a sick kinda guy).

Flick is nowhere to be seen, but as I head for the source of the awful stench now leaking round my house I can see her in the bathroom. She doesn’t hear me coming, she has her head down snaffling chunks of poo and licking baby wipes clean, as if the smell is not bad enough to witness that was really the final straw – she was banished to the garden whilst clean up was undertaken…

You would think I would have  learnt my lesson with Flick. Like I said she is a self confessed-pooaholic. I should have realised from when I first started potty training Pie and she stole the poo out of the potty before I could tell him what a great job he had done (I swear that is why we are still fighting the potty training!), that she was an addict. That all temptation needed to be removed… But alas she still lulls me into thinking she will be ok, its those eyes, I just can’t resist them. She is the naughtiest, most disgusting, poo eating dastardly dachshund that has ever lived, but by god she makes me laugh and I wouldn’t really have her any other way!
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