5 Ways Your Sausage Dog Loves You 

Every one knows Sausage Dogs have tiny legs – but have you heard about their huge hearts? For a small dog they have so much love to give! Loyal to the end and fiercely protective, these long lovelies can melt the hardest of hearts.

How I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways:
  • These eyes are the window to my soul! Have you seen the way a dachshund looks at you. So much character in just a look, a slight raised eyebrow. Whether it’s cheeky, feigned innocence or just pure love. Those eyes tug at the heartstrings. Even if they have eaten the toe off your best stilettos you can forgive them anything.
    PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay
  • The sneaky cuddles. If you have a dachshund you will know what I mean about sneaky. One minute you are sitting quietly with a brew. Next minute there is a sausage dog on your knee. You don’t even know how they got there. But your long-bodied four-legged friend can’t bear to be away from you. Let’s face it though they do give the best cuddles.
  • Need a hot water bottle for this cold winter nights? Not if you own a dachshund! Whether they slip under the duvet and keep you warm at night or curl quietly round your feet of an evening. These guys are warm, toastie in fact. Just don’t leave your hot chocolate unattended. They may love you, but warm chocolatey drinks are a different story…
    condesign / Pixabay
  • Forget comfort food or ice cream. When you are feeling down nothing makes you feel better quite like a Daxie. Whether you want to wallow in self-pity whilst scratching their tummy. Or if you need them to make you smile, and give you some motivation they seem to know what to do. Unless it involves a walk in the rain – then you are on your own, crisis or no crisis!
    skeeze / Pixabay
  • Kiss me quick! These guys are short in height but my they have a long tongue. They love nothing more than giving out free kisses. Usually just as you opened your mouth to speak… As a Daxie owner you are never far from a quick slobbery lick, they just can’t help themselves. You kind of wish they wouldn’t give out the free kisses quite as much. Then they look at you with those eyes and you are back to square one!!

Can you think of any others these cute little guys show us their love?

Sausage Monologues – Save Us From this Creature

I love bedtime, this is because I am the laziest Sausage that ever lived. When Mum calls ‘bedtime wee’ I leap up. Race my brother through the kitchen. Making sure to trip Dad up on his way to the loo. Dash out the backdoor and get my last good bark in for the night. Ok so if it’s raining Mum has to lob me outside. But usually I am all over it like white on rice. Then there was the night a creature invaded the kitchen

Pipsimv / Pixabay
This night was like any other. The battle cry went up.

‘bedtime wee guys…’

I was up. I was through the kitchen. Tripped both Mum and Dad. Result. Bit damp out side but I’ll risk it. Bark bark bark. Yes, goodnight world! Slink back in door. Ignoring the reproach from Mum about the barking.

Jump into bed. Boot Toby over to his side. Look up at Mum. Turn on the big eyes. She can’t resist those.

‘You’re a menace’ she says slowly shaking her head. ‘Don’t give me the innocent face now’

Oh she wants the full works tonight eh? Fine I dance on my back legs. Pawing at the air. Crikey this is a lot of work for one measly biscuit. But they taste soooo good… She finally relents after I make a prize fool of myself. Don’t know why she gives one to Toby he just laid there. He really is pathetic. Such a people pleaser.

Photo Credit: radargeek via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: radargeek via Compfight cc
‘Night guys’  she says.

Pulling the gate closed behind her. I hear her go up the stairs. Hmmm; quick recky round the kitchen for any morsels of food. Lick the side of the bin. Yep my work here is done. Boot Toby back over his side. Settle into my squishy feather duvet. Ahhhh perfect…

*2 hours later*

I am woken by Toby shivering. He has backed right up on top of me. What the hell are you doing? I snarl. He just goes on staring into the dark shaking. Honestly that boy is a wierdo. But hang on… I see it now. What is that? On the floor.

Crikey it’s coming this way. Slowly, but definitely heading in our direction. Move back Toby, move back. Quick call for Mum. Make that pathetic noise you do. Yeh; that’s it keep whining. Shall I go look at it? Eurgh. It’s disgusting. Slimey and cold. What’s is it doing in here…

Make more noise boy. For goodness sake you have one job bro. Fine. If you want something doing. Bark. Bark. Bark. Mum. MUM. MUMMY….

I hear the light go on. A familiar expletive from my Dad. Followed by the over used phrase ‘that dog’. Mum’s foot hits the floor. I jump over the creature. Toby and I are at the gate. ‘There is a creature down here Mum’  we whimper, pawing at the gate. She doesn’t look impressed…

We climb back into bed and stare at the slimey little sucker pointedly.

‘What an earth is your problem?’ She enquires, looking at us with barely concealed rage.

I look at her. We look at the creature.

Finally! She spots it.

the creature
Photo Credit: brendanjlane via Compfight cc
‘You have to be joking’ she says ‘you got me out of bed for the worlds smallest slug?’

Tutting she steps over the gate picks up the terrifying creature and lobs it out the back door. I settle back into bed and close my eyes. Good ol’ mum she always keeps her head in a crisis!

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

5 Reasons My Dachshunds Deserve an ASBO!

So despite the current fall out from Brexit, Friday was in fact National Take Your Dog To Work Day. Hooray I hear dog lovers up and down the country cry. I can bring my furry four-legged friend to the office!

Alas for me this is not an option, not only because I am a nurse (Sausages do not fit into the current infection control policy. Especially as my Sausage is a notorious poo eater!) But because taking these two anti-social weiners any where would be foolish. It’s not that they don’t like people. I mean they are anti-social in the fact that they should really be wearing a tracking tag!

Dachshund
Photo Credit: Jonne Naarala via Compfight cc
Top Anti-Social Dachshund Behaviours

1: Unwanted Advances: Endless Licking

Yes the occasional well-timed lick can be quite sweet. But full on facial washing, including the back of your throat? Is at best unpleasant. If it follows after a bit of poo eating, it is downright disgusting!

 2: Petty Theft: 

Picture the scene. You leave your seat for 2 minutes, probably to get a biscuit! There is half a mug of tea, just right for drinking by your side. You arrive back – no tea! There is no culprit to be seen, except out of the corner of your eye you see a black tail whip round the sofa…

(Please note that any remaining tea is now not drinkable. Remember the poo-eating?!)

3: Excessive Noise:
You don’t know it but the world is a dangerous place. But after an hour with  two Sausages your nerves will be shot. Every time someone moves they will bark, a car pulls up. Bark. Postman. Bark. Spider. Bark. Bird sings six streets away. Bark. Got the picture?

4. Public Urination:
Although house trained, accidents with Dachshunds are nearly as frequent as with toddlers. Particularly when meeting new people. Its not a great way to make friends. Especially in the summer with open toed sandals…

5: Pick Pocketing:

Leaving your handbag unattended is never recommended. But you would think placing it at the floor by your feet would make it quite safe. Wrong. These two make Fagan look like an amateur. They will have their nose in your bag quick as a flash. Before you know it the entire contents will be strewn through the house. All in search of the tiniest morsel of food.

Dachshund
preetygoodi / Pixabay

So you see their crimes are many and varied! Probably the best idea is to assume that they are up to know good at all. Remember silence with dachshunds is suspicious, very suspicious!

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners

No publisher ID given

So you have seen those adorable Sausage Dogs invading our TV screens recently – seems everywhere you look you see these funny little chaps trotting about. Don’t be deceived into believing that these cute little Sausages are going to be an easy addition to family life. By their very nature dachshunds are stubborn and tenacious, incredibly loyal and loving, but they know their own mind. Training them is, in my experience, very much on their own terms! In all honesty you don’t own a dachshund, a dachshund owns you…

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners – as Written by a Human Owned by a Dachshund

 

This Mum's Life
No publisher ID given

The Tale of The Very Hungry Sausages

This week at Pudding HQ we have been struggling to get the floors replaced following a slight flood! Stressful enough you might think but add to the mix a preschooler, a teething 5 months old and two Sausages and frankly it becomes almost impossible!

Naughty Sausages

The whole house was in disarray as the entire down floor was being replaced. I opted to take the kids out leaving Mr P to project manage and watch the Sausages. This was a mistake… When the flooring guys and Mr P needed to move the fridge they emptied the contents on to the lawn, where the Sausages were sunbathing. (Having scared the flooring guys to death already by barking like a couple of Doberman!) Now I would have said that this was probably one of the most foolish ideas poor Mr P has had in a while, because by the time he realised how silly this was the Sausages had eaten the majority of the fridge contents! It reads a little like the Saturday in The Hungry Caterpillar:

1 x block of Mature Cheddar (unopened)

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

1 x Pork & Cider Casserole (left over from the previous night)

2 x Carrots

1 x Pack of Continental Meats

1 x Tub of Creme Fraiche

6 x Half Eaten Mushrooms (clearly not a favourite)

1 x nibbled Pepper (not man enough for that)

You would think after this list that the Sausages would be satisfied, surely two small dogs could eat nothing further? Wrong! Not satisfied with the fridge contents they then started on the wooden spoons/spatulas that had also been moved outside. My best wooden spoon was totally destroyed! When I arrived back with the children both Sausages were more like burgers! (They were also quite chastened as I can only imagine how cross Mr P would have been).

The end of the story? No. I went out later that day to take Mr P somewhere, without thinking I left the changing bag (will I ever learn) downstairs and I left my work bag on the stairs. Because the Sausages were snoozing innocently on their bed, I stupidly left them free run of the house. Another HUGE mistake! On returning home, it became clear that there is no end to the stomach of a Sausage! In the 45 minutes I had been gone they added the following to their Hungry Caterpillar list:

4 x French Fancies (including half the cardboard box)

1 x Mr Kipling Angel Cake (plastic wrapping spotless)

2 x Mars Bars (taken from the unopened multi-pack and unwrapped from their original packages)

The last items were a huge concern to me, I mean everyone knows that chocolate is poison for dogs, despite being mad at them for eating MY Mars bars (I was saving those for the evening), I watched them like a hawk debating whether they needed veterinary attention. My concern was unnecessary, I should have know that these two are indestructable, apart from waddling about all evening due to being so stuffed with the days spoils (they still requested their dinner, a request that I have to say was denied!) there were no ill effects. A few extra poos for me to clean up that was all…

They didn’t even have the decency to look guilty about their exploits –  therefore I have no choice but to sit them down and drum into them the following mantra ‘I am A Dachshund not a Dustbin!’

The PramshedMumzilla

My Dastardly Dachshund

**Disclaimer For those of you with slightly weak stomachs or who have recently eaten this is an advanced warning that this post contains a lot of items pertaining to poo, poo eating and general poop sandwiches. If you find the idea of this disgusting or are easily offended, I strongly recommend that you read no further and don’t buy a dachshund…**

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For the rest of you please let me introduce Flick my beautiful smooth haired mini daxie, look at that face…. Butter wouldn’t melt right? WRONG. This dog was sent from Poo City in the land of Eatanykindashit to terrorise me at Pudding HQ. Flick has always had the tendency to be a garbage disposal unit, she is the only dog I know who can scale a dining table and at only 8 inches tall that’s pretty impressive, but its not her food stealing that really gets to me its the non-food substances. There is nothing worse than having a dog who consistently eats poo – she has no limitations what so ever, horse poo, rabbit poo, and her personal favourite fox poo. She loves that last one so much that we have to keep a bottle of ketchup just for her so that we can wash her in it after she has rolled through a great steaming pile…. but enough of her general misdemeanours, let me tell you about today.

The general Sausage behaviour at Pudding HQ has seen some improvement in the last few weeks, and in hindsight this was probably the reason I let my guard down. I was fooled into a sense of security by a couple of chipolatas… Tonight I had to pop to the Drs and with Mr Pudding at work this meant I had to take Pudding & Pie with me and the appointment was right on tea time. Not a great beginining but manageable I thought. Kids loaded into car, no need to take all the usual stuff, we weren’t going to be long. Arrive at the Drs – speak to receptionist, sinking realisation that the appointment is in fact next week, damn! Get kids back in the car and head home, we have been all but 15 minutes maximum…

 

Open the front door. Strangely there is no barking which is unusual, normally both dogs go crazy. Look into the living room and down towards the kitchen to see Flicks pig-like hind quarters wobble round a corner. Then the carnage that is the front room hits me! In the 15 minutes we have been gone Flick has decided that she wants to get into the changing bag , where completely forgotten is an unopened dairylea dunker, or should I say there was! There is now a pristine clean empty dairylea dunker package on the couch, whilst the floor has fallen victim to what was probably only 3 tissues but at this point looks like about 1000…

The entire contents is out of the changing bag and as I begin to clear up the mess I put my hand in something sticky. There it is that moment of complete horror when you realise that the dog has in fact pierced the bonjela teething gel and has eaten half the tube, I whip round to see where she is and if she is ok. At this point Flick is laid on her bed looking at me, slightly quizzically.

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She knows I am angry but she knows if she stays still I will probably just let it go. I guess she probably would have licked me as an apology but her lips and tongue were numb (bonjela appears to be more effective on numbing dog faces than baby gums…) Having cleared up changing bag carnage, I feed the kids, deal with a huge eight legged creature who had to meet a watery end down the plug hole (I have a poo eating sausage dog to contend with I don’t have time or braveness to handle humane removal of hairy spiders as well). We all have a lovely bath time and head up stairs for a story.

About 10 mins later I send Pie down to grab the potty in case he needs the loo in the night. Cue an almighty scream followed by ‘MUM there is POO EVERYWHERE’. Oh no, damn damn damn, in my haste to get the kids to bed I have left Puddings disgusting post immunisation nappy folded on the top of the bathroom bin ready to take straight outside. Except now it isn’t on the bin, no no, its strewn all. over. the. house. Those who have never had a nappy shredded may not realise that a wet nappy is full of gel beads that are quite slimey and on top of this is a layer of loose evil smelling poop. I put the kids to bed, the damage is done now after all! As i come down the stairs an awful smell hits my nostrils, I walk through the dining room, stepping over some poo covered wipes, Toby is on his bed shaking and looking thoroughly disgusted (Toby hates poo, he is more of a sick kinda guy).

Flick is nowhere to be seen, but as I head for the source of the awful stench now leaking round my house I can see her in the bathroom. She doesn’t hear me coming, she has her head down snaffling chunks of poo and licking baby wipes clean, as if the smell is not bad enough to witness that was really the final straw – she was banished to the garden whilst clean up was undertaken…

You would think I would have  learnt my lesson with Flick. Like I said she is a self confessed-pooaholic. I should have realised from when I first started potty training Pie and she stole the poo out of the potty before I could tell him what a great job he had done (I swear that is why we are still fighting the potty training!), that she was an addict. That all temptation needed to be removed… But alas she still lulls me into thinking she will be ok, its those eyes, I just can’t resist them. She is the naughtiest, most disgusting, poo eating dastardly dachshund that has ever lived, but by god she makes me laugh and I wouldn’t really have her any other way!
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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

I am coming back as a Sausage Dog

As I write this the house is quiet, kids are in bed, husband at work, the peace is broken only by the rhythmical snores of the two Sausage Dog’s asleep on the sofa. Seriously how can two small dogs snore that loudly? There are never enough hours to sleep according to the Sausages, unless of course I walk towards the kitchen and then there might be some food.

So these are my top 10 reasons for being a Sausage Dog:

1. You are so cute and long looking that despite looking quite hilarious as you waddle along everywhere you someone says ‘awwww look a Sausage’ and they let you lick their face, unaware that you have just finished your second breakfast which consisted of poo.

2. You have stealth like cuddle capabilities, no matter how many times you have been told to get off the couch you still manage to slink your way on to visitors’ lap’s and get them to stroke you before anyone has even noticed.

3. You can sit at the top or the bottom of the stairs and whimper and someone will either carry you up or down depending on your desire, because you have managed to convince them that you are incapable of doing this yourself, which brings us nicely on to…

4. You can fool people into thinking that food left on the dining table is totally out of your reach because you are only 6 inches high – its not however actually true because you are a secret ninja assassin and will climb up using chairs, boxes etc and then whine until someone picks you back up off the table. (You can’t get down because you have demolished an entire cheese and meat selection and resemble a barrel).

5. Your eyes are enough to make the hardest persons heart melt and can persuade your humans to feed you things from the table and to let you come up and sleep on their bed when one of the parents is on a night shift and that makes you feel sad.

6. Your powers of manipulation know no bounds when it comes to wrangling out of a walk in the rain. You know if you hide or refuse to put your harness on for long enough that Mummy will give up and just cuddle up on the sofa with you for another nap.

7. Somehow you manage to convince your human parents that the kennels are an evil place where there is no love for a Sausage, which means you no longer have to go there but get to either travel everywhere with your humans or they will pay exorbitant money to have a lovely Lady come stay in the house and look after you while they are away.

8. Any drink left unattended is yours, by divine right, if its on the floor or a low shelf its fair game. Your favourite pray is Mummy’s tea (that she leaves for half a second to stop Pie putting his wand in his nose again) its perfect drinking temperature…. oooh yummy.

9. You have been blessed with a very long and sleek nose that is perfect for getting into trouble with. You love nothing more than sticking it in the changing bag and stealing ANY item, edible or inedible. Your Dad never learns that this is your favourite trick, and although it makes him unbelievably cross it’s so worth it when you steal his hot pasty out of his bag after a 16 hour day!

10. Finally it has to be your ability to eat everything and anything. You are totally food obsessed and you can break into any bin and gorge on 4 day old bacon with no serious issues. Or your absolute personal favourite – a wet and dirty nappy that you can rip to pieces leaving your human to clean up tiny poo particles!

As you can probably see being a Sausage Dog is a pretty good life, what would you come back as if you got the chance?

Love Pudding’s Mum x

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