Are you Ok? Oh Yeah, I am Fine…

As women we are totally rubbish at providing a straight answer when asked that awful question; ‘Are you ok?’ Even if it’s clear we are anything but ok. We still answer ‘Oh yeah, I am fine’. Why do we do that? Despite our inner voice screaming I am not f’ing ok!

So maybe that’s not all women – perhaps it’s just me. I always feel responsible in part for someone else’s happiness. So I don’t like to directly impact on them by saying I am not doing so well. It’s hard for me to open up and tell them what’s wrong. Mostly I just cover by asking about them, or my latest tactic become a hermit!

Definitely not leaving  the house has some huge positives. For example I don’t have to dodge the question ‘are you ok’. Equally I don’t have to look confident and happy. If I want to stand in the kitchen lost in my own thoughts I can. But equally I know it’s pretty unhealthy. I know it’s a sign that I am not winning the battle…

Counselling / Pixabay

The start of the CBT sessions for my PND has thrown some interesting curve balls. I have strayed back into aspects of my life  that were best left under the rock from whence they came. Unfortunately now we have dug them up they need processing. Almost like a data entry clerk, my brain runs through the information. It picks it up, breaks it in to categories and starts to refile it. However; as the filing system is currently being redesigned there are stacks of stuff just floating about! These are the issue, my brain is stuck in the processing stage. If it was a computer it would have one of those hourglass things running.

Consequently I am tired. So tired I could sleep all day. I have a constant headache. I know I am snappy and irritable – especially if my brain is interrupted in its ‘processing’. Obviously with two small children this is a problem! Being over sensitive to others comments and criticism makes me pretty unsuitable to socialise as well. Besides I don’t have the energy to put my brave face on. Or the will to get dressed.

Maialisa / Pixabay

I will go out today – we need food, it’s like Mother Hubbard here. Should any one ask I shall say ‘oh yeah, I am fine’. They will continue on with their day unaware of my true feelings. After a shower I will stick my brave face on and keep on pretending everything is fine. Who knows maybe if I can pretend long enough it may actually be fine…

The Pramshed