5 Ways Your Sausage Dog Loves You 

Every one knows Sausage Dogs have tiny legs – but have you heard about their huge hearts? For a small dog they have so much love to give! Loyal to the end and fiercely protective, these long lovelies can melt the hardest of hearts.

How I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways:
  • These eyes are the window to my soul! Have you seen the way a dachshund looks at you. So much character in just a look, a slight raised eyebrow. Whether it’s cheeky, feigned innocence or just pure love. Those eyes tug at the heartstrings. Even if they have eaten the toe off your best stilettos you can forgive them anything.
    PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay
  • The sneaky cuddles. If you have a dachshund you will know what I mean about sneaky. One minute you are sitting quietly with a brew. Next minute there is a sausage dog on your knee. You don’t even know how they got there. But your long-bodied four-legged friend can’t bear to be away from you. Let’s face it though they do give the best cuddles.
  • Need a hot water bottle for this cold winter nights? Not if you own a dachshund! Whether they slip under the duvet and keep you warm at night or curl quietly round your feet of an evening. These guys are warm, toastie in fact. Just don’t leave your hot chocolate unattended. They may love you, but warm chocolatey drinks are a different story…
    condesign / Pixabay
  • Forget comfort food or ice cream. When you are feeling down nothing makes you feel better quite like a Daxie. Whether you want to wallow in self-pity whilst scratching their tummy. Or if you need them to make you smile, and give you some motivation they seem to know what to do. Unless it involves a walk in the rain – then you are on your own, crisis or no crisis!
    skeeze / Pixabay
  • Kiss me quick! These guys are short in height but my they have a long tongue. They love nothing more than giving out free kisses. Usually just as you opened your mouth to speak… As a Daxie owner you are never far from a quick slobbery lick, they just can’t help themselves. You kind of wish they wouldn’t give out the free kisses quite as much. Then they look at you with those eyes and you are back to square one!!

Can you think of any others these cute little guys show us their love?

5 Reasons My Dachshunds Deserve an ASBO!

So despite the current fall out from Brexit, Friday was in fact National Take Your Dog To Work Day. Hooray I hear dog lovers up and down the country cry. I can bring my furry four-legged friend to the office!

Alas for me this is not an option, not only because I am a nurse (Sausages do not fit into the current infection control policy. Especially as my Sausage is a notorious poo eater!) But because taking these two anti-social weiners any where would be foolish. It’s not that they don’t like people. I mean they are anti-social in the fact that they should really be wearing a tracking tag!

Dachshund
Photo Credit: Jonne Naarala via Compfight cc
Top Anti-Social Dachshund Behaviours

1: Unwanted Advances: Endless Licking

Yes the occasional well-timed lick can be quite sweet. But full on facial washing, including the back of your throat? Is at best unpleasant. If it follows after a bit of poo eating, it is downright disgusting!

 2: Petty Theft: 

Picture the scene. You leave your seat for 2 minutes, probably to get a biscuit! There is half a mug of tea, just right for drinking by your side. You arrive back – no tea! There is no culprit to be seen, except out of the corner of your eye you see a black tail whip round the sofa…

(Please note that any remaining tea is now not drinkable. Remember the poo-eating?!)

3: Excessive Noise:
You don’t know it but the world is a dangerous place. But after an hour with  two Sausages your nerves will be shot. Every time someone moves they will bark, a car pulls up. Bark. Postman. Bark. Spider. Bark. Bird sings six streets away. Bark. Got the picture?

4. Public Urination:
Although house trained, accidents with Dachshunds are nearly as frequent as with toddlers. Particularly when meeting new people. Its not a great way to make friends. Especially in the summer with open toed sandals…

5: Pick Pocketing:

Leaving your handbag unattended is never recommended. But you would think placing it at the floor by your feet would make it quite safe. Wrong. These two make Fagan look like an amateur. They will have their nose in your bag quick as a flash. Before you know it the entire contents will be strewn through the house. All in search of the tiniest morsel of food.

Dachshund
preetygoodi / Pixabay

So you see their crimes are many and varied! Probably the best idea is to assume that they are up to know good at all. Remember silence with dachshunds is suspicious, very suspicious!

Sausage Monologues: Post-Holiday Hound

Hang on a second here. What is with all the suitcases? Everyone looks quite excited. Are we going away for a few days? I don’t think Mum has packed my lead… Hang on a second what’s that you are saying Mum?

‘Come on Flick out the way…. No sweetheart you aren’t coming.’

What?! Not coming? Who will Protect you? Who will clear up the crumbs and weaning misadventures? I see well I know my place…


*Curl into bed looking reproachful*

Oh so you are coming to say goodbye are you? I will take that biscuit but only because it’s been 49 minutes since I had breakfast. Don’t tell me to be good, because I am already deciding on suitable punishments for this abandonment. When you shut that front door my brother and I are going HOWL…

*four days later, two thin and starving dogs are waiting (ok that’s an exaggeration 45 minutes later the dog sitter arrives)*

Oooh it’s you! How long are you staying? Did you bring those treats you know I love? Ah fab a walk! I could definitely stretch my legs…


*several hours later*

Ah can we sit with you on the couch? Excellent, I will snuggle in here with you…. That was an enormous tea you gave me, Mum is usually much more stingey. So you are staying tonight? Brilliant that means two walks tomorrow and more couch cuddles. This is the life…


*5 days later, 1 hour after dog sitter has left. Front door opens…*

You’re back!!! Hooray! Quick head count. Dad, small pink one, medium blue one and the betrayer. Dad, Dad I am so pleased to see you! Look how trim I am looking after all my walks. Don’t speak to me betrayer, my initial welcome was a moment of weakness. I am going to sit on my bed and stare at the radiator…

Nope that biscuit is not going to work. I will eat it only because I hate waste. No I won’t sit on the couch with you or show you my tummy. Talk to the paw cos the face ain’t listening. Please serve my dinner with minimal interaction…. There is no point cuddling me. I won’t forgive you for this. If you hadn’t shut your bedroom door I would have vomited on your pillow while you were gone. I can’t even bear to look at you, I am going to bed…

*next morning*

MUM! Oh I love you. So pleased you are home. Scratch my ears while I fire myself at your knees. Yes breakfast would be grand, then can I come sit with you??

Diary of an imperfect mum

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners

No publisher ID given

So you have seen those adorable Sausage Dogs invading our TV screens recently – seems everywhere you look you see these funny little chaps trotting about. Don’t be deceived into believing that these cute little Sausages are going to be an easy addition to family life. By their very nature dachshunds are stubborn and tenacious, incredibly loyal and loving, but they know their own mind. Training them is, in my experience, very much on their own terms! In all honesty you don’t own a dachshund, a dachshund owns you…

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners – as Written by a Human Owned by a Dachshund

 

This Mum's Life
No publisher ID given

My Dastardly Dachshund

**Disclaimer For those of you with slightly weak stomachs or who have recently eaten this is an advanced warning that this post contains a lot of items pertaining to poo, poo eating and general poop sandwiches. If you find the idea of this disgusting or are easily offended, I strongly recommend that you read no further and don’t buy a dachshund…**

img_1494

For the rest of you please let me introduce Flick my beautiful smooth haired mini daxie, look at that face…. Butter wouldn’t melt right? WRONG. This dog was sent from Poo City in the land of Eatanykindashit to terrorise me at Pudding HQ. Flick has always had the tendency to be a garbage disposal unit, she is the only dog I know who can scale a dining table and at only 8 inches tall that’s pretty impressive, but its not her food stealing that really gets to me its the non-food substances. There is nothing worse than having a dog who consistently eats poo – she has no limitations what so ever, horse poo, rabbit poo, and her personal favourite fox poo. She loves that last one so much that we have to keep a bottle of ketchup just for her so that we can wash her in it after she has rolled through a great steaming pile…. but enough of her general misdemeanours, let me tell you about today.

The general Sausage behaviour at Pudding HQ has seen some improvement in the last few weeks, and in hindsight this was probably the reason I let my guard down. I was fooled into a sense of security by a couple of chipolatas… Tonight I had to pop to the Drs and with Mr Pudding at work this meant I had to take Pudding & Pie with me and the appointment was right on tea time. Not a great beginining but manageable I thought. Kids loaded into car, no need to take all the usual stuff, we weren’t going to be long. Arrive at the Drs – speak to receptionist, sinking realisation that the appointment is in fact next week, damn! Get kids back in the car and head home, we have been all but 15 minutes maximum…

 

Open the front door. Strangely there is no barking which is unusual, normally both dogs go crazy. Look into the living room and down towards the kitchen to see Flicks pig-like hind quarters wobble round a corner. Then the carnage that is the front room hits me! In the 15 minutes we have been gone Flick has decided that she wants to get into the changing bag , where completely forgotten is an unopened dairylea dunker, or should I say there was! There is now a pristine clean empty dairylea dunker package on the couch, whilst the floor has fallen victim to what was probably only 3 tissues but at this point looks like about 1000…

The entire contents is out of the changing bag and as I begin to clear up the mess I put my hand in something sticky. There it is that moment of complete horror when you realise that the dog has in fact pierced the bonjela teething gel and has eaten half the tube, I whip round to see where she is and if she is ok. At this point Flick is laid on her bed looking at me, slightly quizzically.

img_1628

She knows I am angry but she knows if she stays still I will probably just let it go. I guess she probably would have licked me as an apology but her lips and tongue were numb (bonjela appears to be more effective on numbing dog faces than baby gums…) Having cleared up changing bag carnage, I feed the kids, deal with a huge eight legged creature who had to meet a watery end down the plug hole (I have a poo eating sausage dog to contend with I don’t have time or braveness to handle humane removal of hairy spiders as well). We all have a lovely bath time and head up stairs for a story.

About 10 mins later I send Pie down to grab the potty in case he needs the loo in the night. Cue an almighty scream followed by ‘MUM there is POO EVERYWHERE’. Oh no, damn damn damn, in my haste to get the kids to bed I have left Puddings disgusting post immunisation nappy folded on the top of the bathroom bin ready to take straight outside. Except now it isn’t on the bin, no no, its strewn all. over. the. house. Those who have never had a nappy shredded may not realise that a wet nappy is full of gel beads that are quite slimey and on top of this is a layer of loose evil smelling poop. I put the kids to bed, the damage is done now after all! As i come down the stairs an awful smell hits my nostrils, I walk through the dining room, stepping over some poo covered wipes, Toby is on his bed shaking and looking thoroughly disgusted (Toby hates poo, he is more of a sick kinda guy).

Flick is nowhere to be seen, but as I head for the source of the awful stench now leaking round my house I can see her in the bathroom. She doesn’t hear me coming, she has her head down snaffling chunks of poo and licking baby wipes clean, as if the smell is not bad enough to witness that was really the final straw – she was banished to the garden whilst clean up was undertaken…

You would think I would have  learnt my lesson with Flick. Like I said she is a self confessed-pooaholic. I should have realised from when I first started potty training Pie and she stole the poo out of the potty before I could tell him what a great job he had done (I swear that is why we are still fighting the potty training!), that she was an addict. That all temptation needed to be removed… But alas she still lulls me into thinking she will be ok, its those eyes, I just can’t resist them. She is the naughtiest, most disgusting, poo eating dastardly dachshund that has ever lived, but by god she makes me laugh and I wouldn’t really have her any other way!
thumbnailsize

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday