Are you Ok? Oh Yeah, I am Fine…

As women we are totally rubbish at providing a straight answer when asked that awful question; ‘Are you ok?’ Even if it’s clear we are anything but ok. We still answer ‘Oh yeah, I am fine’. Why do we do that? Despite our inner voice screaming I am not f’ing ok!

So maybe that’s not all women – perhaps it’s just me. I always feel responsible in part for someone else’s happiness. So I don’t like to directly impact on them by saying I am not doing so well. It’s hard for me to open up and tell them what’s wrong. Mostly I just cover by asking about them, or my latest tactic become a hermit!

Definitely not leaving  the house has some huge positives. For example I don’t have to dodge the question ‘are you ok’. Equally I don’t have to look confident and happy. If I want to stand in the kitchen lost in my own thoughts I can. But equally I know it’s pretty unhealthy. I know it’s a sign that I am not winning the battle…

Counselling / Pixabay

The start of the CBT sessions for my PND has thrown some interesting curve balls. I have strayed back into aspects of my life  that were best left under the rock from whence they came. Unfortunately now we have dug them up they need processing. Almost like a data entry clerk, my brain runs through the information. It picks it up, breaks it in to categories and starts to refile it. However; as the filing system is currently being redesigned there are stacks of stuff just floating about! These are the issue, my brain is stuck in the processing stage. If it was a computer it would have one of those hourglass things running.

Consequently I am tired. So tired I could sleep all day. I have a constant headache. I know I am snappy and irritable – especially if my brain is interrupted in its ‘processing’. Obviously with two small children this is a problem! Being over sensitive to others comments and criticism makes me pretty unsuitable to socialise as well. Besides I don’t have the energy to put my brave face on. Or the will to get dressed.

Maialisa / Pixabay

I will go out today – we need food, it’s like Mother Hubbard here. Should any one ask I shall say ‘oh yeah, I am fine’. They will continue on with their day unaware of my true feelings. After a shower I will stick my brave face on and keep on pretending everything is fine. Who knows maybe if I can pretend long enough it may actually be fine…

The Pramshed

12 thoughts on “Are you Ok? Oh Yeah, I am Fine…”

  1. Can totally relate to pretending all is well so as not to affect others. The exhaustion and lack of motivation brought on my depression is the worst . It makes it difficult to get the help you need because you just can’t summon up energy . I hope things improve for you , in the meantime know you are not alone ! #fortheloveofblog

  2. Oh I really can empathise with you! My depression is not bad at the moment, but I definitely can’t handle even the slightest criticism or set back. It is SO much easier to just stay at home, though you are right, that’s not exactly a healthy way to live…
    I really hope you feel better soon. xx

  3. I totally get where you are coming from. I want all day for someone just to ask me if I’m doing OK, and when they ask I always say I’m fine. (I also then get mad at myself and upset that they haven’t pushed to know whats wrong and that they don’t know me well enough to push..and that if they were to push and continue asking I would get annoyed that they keep asking when I clearly don’t want to talk about it!) I hope you are doing OK though Zoe! Lucy xx #triballlove

  4. Oh I hope you are doing ok today. I can relate to the putting on a brave face and pretending you are ok when you aren’t. However, I think sometimes we have to be honest and just tell the people we love and trust that we aren’t having a good time. I hope that your therapy helps you. Sending you big hugs xxxx

  5. Here is the thing. Once you have teenagers, there is no filter. You will tell every little thing they do to push your buttons to any stranger. I suggest just start that now. It makes you feel so much better to vent and you find kindred spirits everywhere you turn. Or if you aren’t game, find a trusted few to download to. I don’t know if it helps with PND risks, maybe that’s worth a visit for the dr, but it sure makes you feel better! #FortheloveofBlog

  6. I know exactly where you are coming from. Sometimes I wish for someone to ask how I am and then blurt it all out. But when that does actually happen I reply with ‘fine thanks’ and move the conversation along. It is tiring, and staying at home is the easiest thing to do but like you said, it’s not healthy. I hope CBT helps you, and just know you aren’t alone.x

  7. can completely relate. and I think even though when going through it, I felt completely alone, I imagine there are so many people walking around with their brave “im fine” face on too. we all have sh*t going on and I really try and remember that these days. just to be kind, friendly, say hi, smile. little things. we just don’t know what others are going thru. thanks for joining #fortheloveofblog this week! hope you can join next week!

  8. Oh Zoe, I had no idea and hope you will be okay. Dealing with depression is so difficult, especially with kids to look after too and a full time and very hectic job. I haven’t had PND so don’t want to liken my experiences too much to what you’re going through, but I do understand that feeling of just wanting to stay in so you don’t have to face those Q’s and put on a brave face. Lots of love to you xxx #fortheloveofBLOG

  9. So sorry to read that you’re struggling Zoe. The whole ‘yes I’m fine thanks’ seems to be a common answer from many of our gender when we’re actually not – it just becomes so automatic doesn’t it….? Bless you for being so honest, I hope it has helped you by writing about it and you definitely help others writing about it too so thank you lovely.

    I do understand where you’re coming from about CBT – I had sessions for about a year in 2009 and although I found it extremely helpful, it is very draining too and this was pre-kids so I could come home and crawl into bed afterwards. I can only imagine how hard it is for you, I hope you’re getting lots of support at home and from family. A friend is a clinical psychologist and raves about EMDR – she is EXTREMELY well qualified and her go-to treatment for her patients has always been CBT but she is now very positive about the effects of EMDR – I will definitely be exploring this if I ever need to revisit this stuff again. As it is I hit upon mindfulness as my strategy to help me cope with low mood, but I understand it isn’t for everyone. It was actually an MBCT course that I initially went on so it combines elements of CBT but is just a bit gentler…. this was for PND after my 1st child. I really hope things begin to get easier very soon. Lots of love. xx #fortheloveofBLOG

  10. Zoe I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I’ve been dealing with depression on and off since I was a teenager and know how difficult it can be. Especially to tell others how you are feeling. People always give everything me the craziest looks when I actually tell them no I’m going through a rough patch.

    For me I have to find ways to get outside of my head and all the negative thoughts while also trying to process what triggered it all in the first place. I hope things get better! Let me know if you need to talk. #TribalLove #ForTheLoveOfBlog

  11. This is the first time ive found your blog, and I want to send you a hug virtual hug, Its so hard when your not fine and feel like you have to say you are. My mind processes things in a similar way to yours by the sounds of it, and when it gets too much my brain feels like it explodes, everything comes flooding back in and I then have to process it all. I think Its completely okay to hide behind the ‘Im fines’ though as long as you have someone to talk to who knows you well enough to know thats its completely not true! I am awaiting CBT and have been through the hermit stage, at one point my husband even pointed out we should ask ‘mother hubbard’ for some food as she probably had more than us! I feel much better recently, sending positive vibes and hope you feel more positive soon too.

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