Sausage Monologues: Post-Holiday Hound

Hang on a second here. What is with all the suitcases? Everyone looks quite excited. Are we going away for a few days? I don’t think Mum has packed my lead… Hang on a second what’s that you are saying Mum?

‘Come on Flick out the way…. No sweetheart you aren’t coming.’

What?! Not coming? Who will Protect you? Who will clear up the crumbs and weaning misadventures? I see well I know my place…

*Curl into bed looking reproachful*

Oh so you are coming to say goodbye are you? I will take that biscuit but only because it’s been 49 minutes since I had breakfast. Don’t tell me to be good, because I am already deciding on suitable punishments for this abandonment. When you shut that front door my brother and I are going HOWL…

*four days later, two thin and starving dogs are waiting (ok that’s an exaggeration 45 minutes later the dog sitter arrives)*

Oooh it’s you! How long are you staying? Did you bring those treats you know I love? Ah fab a walk! I could definitely stretch my legs…

*several hours later*

Ah can we sit with you on the couch? Excellent, I will snuggle in here with you…. That was an enormous tea you gave me, Mum is usually much more stingey. So you are staying tonight? Brilliant that means two walks tomorrow and more couch cuddles. This is the life…

*5 days later, 1 hour after dog sitter has left. Front door opens…*

You’re back!!! Hooray! Quick head count. Dad, small pink one, medium blue one and the betrayer. Dad, Dad I am so pleased to see you! Look how trim I am looking after all my walks. Don’t speak to me betrayer, my initial welcome was a moment of weakness. I am going to sit on my bed and stare at the radiator…

Nope that biscuit is not going to work. I will eat it only because I hate waste. No I won’t sit on the couch with you or show you my tummy. Talk to the paw cos the face ain’t listening. Please serve my dinner with minimal interaction…. There is no point cuddling me. I won’t forgive you for this. If you hadn’t shut your bedroom door I would have vomited on your pillow while you were gone. I can’t even bear to look at you, I am going to bed…

*next morning*

MUM! Oh I love you. So pleased you are home. Scratch my ears while I fire myself at your knees. Yes breakfast would be grand, then can I come sit with you??

Diary of an imperfect mum

5 thoughts on “Sausage Monologues: Post-Holiday Hound”

  1. My dachshund, Trinket could pretty much write the same thing after she stays at home while I visit the Adirondacks in upstate New York State, USA next month. One of my daughters will be her dog sitter and she will not be pleased that I am gone, but she is over the day after I get back.

  2. Adorable! Your dogs are lovely and I enjoy reading anything about them. I felt so bad when Loki went away for 3 weeks to my sister-in-law’s farm. It was when I went into hospital to have A, to give us and him a break. It did him some good though, he loved it but couldn’t wait to see us again. #ablogginggoodtime

    1. Ah I bet he was so pleased to be home though and to meet the new arrival! Thanks for commenting xx

  3. I too receive the punishment when I dare to leave my baby girl at home. Last night I went for a beach walk with a friend and when I came home she had a good sniff then went and laid on her stool staring at me saying: I can’t believe you went to the beach and left me here with him… Or so I said to hubby! Aren’t dogs fab! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

    1. Its amazing how guilty they can make you feel isn’t it?! I wouldn’t be without my four legged friends 🙂 Thanks for featuring me on #ablogginggoodtime

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *