5 Ways Your Sausage Dog Loves You 

Every one knows Sausage Dogs have tiny legs – but have you heard about their huge hearts? For a small dog they have so much love to give! Loyal to the end and fiercely protective, these long lovelies can melt the hardest of hearts.

How I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways:
  • These eyes are the window to my soul! Have you seen the way a dachshund looks at you. So much character in just a look, a slight raised eyebrow. Whether it’s cheeky, feigned innocence or just pure love. Those eyes tug at the heartstrings. Even if they have eaten the toe off your best stilettos you can forgive them anything.
    PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay
  • The sneaky cuddles. If you have a dachshund you will know what I mean about sneaky. One minute you are sitting quietly with a brew. Next minute there is a sausage dog on your knee. You don’t even know how they got there. But your long-bodied four-legged friend can’t bear to be away from you. Let’s face it though they do give the best cuddles.
  • Need a hot water bottle for this cold winter nights? Not if you own a dachshund! Whether they slip under the duvet and keep you warm at night or curl quietly round your feet of an evening. These guys are warm, toastie in fact. Just don’t leave your hot chocolate unattended. They may love you, but warm chocolatey drinks are a different story…
    condesign / Pixabay
  • Forget comfort food or ice cream. When you are feeling down nothing makes you feel better quite like a Daxie. Whether you want to wallow in self-pity whilst scratching their tummy. Or if you need them to make you smile, and give you some motivation they seem to know what to do. Unless it involves a walk in the rain – then you are on your own, crisis or no crisis!
    skeeze / Pixabay
  • Kiss me quick! These guys are short in height but my they have a long tongue. They love nothing more than giving out free kisses. Usually just as you opened your mouth to speak… As a Daxie owner you are never far from a quick slobbery lick, they just can’t help themselves. You kind of wish they wouldn’t give out the free kisses quite as much. Then they look at you with those eyes and you are back to square one!!

Can you think of any others these cute little guys show us their love?

Sausage Monologues – Save Us From this Creature

I love bedtime, this is because I am the laziest Sausage that ever lived. When Mum calls ‘bedtime wee’ I leap up. Race my brother through the kitchen. Making sure to trip Dad up on his way to the loo. Dash out the backdoor and get my last good bark in for the night. Ok so if it’s raining Mum has to lob me outside. But usually I am all over it like white on rice. Then there was the night a creature invaded the kitchen

Pipsimv / Pixabay
This night was like any other. The battle cry went up.

‘bedtime wee guys…’

I was up. I was through the kitchen. Tripped both Mum and Dad. Result. Bit damp out side but I’ll risk it. Bark bark bark. Yes, goodnight world! Slink back in door. Ignoring the reproach from Mum about the barking.

Jump into bed. Boot Toby over to his side. Look up at Mum. Turn on the big eyes. She can’t resist those.

‘You’re a menace’ she says slowly shaking her head. ‘Don’t give me the innocent face now’

Oh she wants the full works tonight eh? Fine I dance on my back legs. Pawing at the air. Crikey this is a lot of work for one measly biscuit. But they taste soooo good… She finally relents after I make a prize fool of myself. Don’t know why she gives one to Toby he just laid there. He really is pathetic. Such a people pleaser.

Photo Credit: radargeek via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: radargeek via Compfight cc
‘Night guys’  she says.

Pulling the gate closed behind her. I hear her go up the stairs. Hmmm; quick recky round the kitchen for any morsels of food. Lick the side of the bin. Yep my work here is done. Boot Toby back over his side. Settle into my squishy feather duvet. Ahhhh perfect…

*2 hours later*

I am woken by Toby shivering. He has backed right up on top of me. What the hell are you doing? I snarl. He just goes on staring into the dark shaking. Honestly that boy is a wierdo. But hang on… I see it now. What is that? On the floor.

Crikey it’s coming this way. Slowly, but definitely heading in our direction. Move back Toby, move back. Quick call for Mum. Make that pathetic noise you do. Yeh; that’s it keep whining. Shall I go look at it? Eurgh. It’s disgusting. Slimey and cold. What’s is it doing in here…

Make more noise boy. For goodness sake you have one job bro. Fine. If you want something doing. Bark. Bark. Bark. Mum. MUM. MUMMY….

I hear the light go on. A familiar expletive from my Dad. Followed by the over used phrase ‘that dog’. Mum’s foot hits the floor. I jump over the creature. Toby and I are at the gate. ‘There is a creature down here Mum’  we whimper, pawing at the gate. She doesn’t look impressed…

We climb back into bed and stare at the slimey little sucker pointedly.

‘What an earth is your problem?’ She enquires, looking at us with barely concealed rage.

I look at her. We look at the creature.

Finally! She spots it.

the creature
Photo Credit: brendanjlane via Compfight cc
‘You have to be joking’ she says ‘you got me out of bed for the worlds smallest slug?’

Tutting she steps over the gate picks up the terrifying creature and lobs it out the back door. I settle back into bed and close my eyes. Good ol’ mum she always keeps her head in a crisis!

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

WerePuddings Revenge on a Giraffe Eating Sausage

I would firstly like to state that I am not a WerePudding this recent nickname coined by my mother is both unfair and untrue. This is however, my revenge story. Remember how I told you that stealthy Sausage had eaten my Sophie Giraffe? Well the time is now right to get him back. Revenge they say is a dish best served cold. I am serving this colder and more unpleasant than rice pudding from the fridge. Yes Mother I am talking to you here. Cold rice pudding is disgusting and if you offer it to me again I will throw it at you.


Where was I? Oh yes revenge on that sly Sausage. Those dogs have been getting more brazen than ever of late. Clearly they are enjoying the weaning phase. (Mum calls them the clean up crew. But why she lets them lick my face clean…) Still I can sit up now and I finally have control over these hands. Giraffe stealing boy Sausage has taken to sitting next to me. I know he is after my new monkey. I shall defend that monkey to the death believe me. I can’t face another loss like Sophie.

So he sidles over the other day. It startles me slightly to find him so close. I swear he has stealth technology. Anyway it puts me off my game and I topple face first onto the couch next to him. I then realise how close his ears are. So I grab one. Oooh this is fun, tug, tug. Mother removes his ear from my hand. Ah ha I think, this could be good. I spend the next 10 minutes toppling forward and grabbing bits of him. Mum banishes him from the sofa! Excellent 1-0 Pudding.

I have now taken to torturing him at every opportunity. If Mum takes her eyes off me for a second I try to grab him. He is stupid though. He doesn’t learn. The other day I had actually managed to grab his tail and start chewing on the end before he moved. Mum has had to separate us. Both Sausages are now banned from being near me, for their own safety!

Still the game is afoot and once I get crawling those Sausages had better watch themselves. I’ll teach you to eat my Sophie. That tail is so getting pulled…



5 Reasons My Dachshunds Deserve an ASBO!

So despite the current fall out from Brexit, Friday was in fact National Take Your Dog To Work Day. Hooray I hear dog lovers up and down the country cry. I can bring my furry four-legged friend to the office!

Alas for me this is not an option, not only because I am a nurse (Sausages do not fit into the current infection control policy. Especially as my Sausage is a notorious poo eater!) But because taking these two anti-social weiners any where would be foolish. It’s not that they don’t like people. I mean they are anti-social in the fact that they should really be wearing a tracking tag!

Photo Credit: Jonne Naarala via Compfight cc
Top Anti-Social Dachshund Behaviours

1: Unwanted Advances: Endless Licking

Yes the occasional well-timed lick can be quite sweet. But full on facial washing, including the back of your throat? Is at best unpleasant. If it follows after a bit of poo eating, it is downright disgusting!

 2: Petty Theft: 

Picture the scene. You leave your seat for 2 minutes, probably to get a biscuit! There is half a mug of tea, just right for drinking by your side. You arrive back – no tea! There is no culprit to be seen, except out of the corner of your eye you see a black tail whip round the sofa…

(Please note that any remaining tea is now not drinkable. Remember the poo-eating?!)

3: Excessive Noise:
You don’t know it but the world is a dangerous place. But after an hour with  two Sausages your nerves will be shot. Every time someone moves they will bark, a car pulls up. Bark. Postman. Bark. Spider. Bark. Bird sings six streets away. Bark. Got the picture?

4. Public Urination:
Although house trained, accidents with Dachshunds are nearly as frequent as with toddlers. Particularly when meeting new people. Its not a great way to make friends. Especially in the summer with open toed sandals…

5: Pick Pocketing:

Leaving your handbag unattended is never recommended. But you would think placing it at the floor by your feet would make it quite safe. Wrong. These two make Fagan look like an amateur. They will have their nose in your bag quick as a flash. Before you know it the entire contents will be strewn through the house. All in search of the tiniest morsel of food.

preetygoodi / Pixabay

So you see their crimes are many and varied! Probably the best idea is to assume that they are up to know good at all. Remember silence with dachshunds is suspicious, very suspicious!

Sausage Monologues: Post-Holiday Hound

Hang on a second here. What is with all the suitcases? Everyone looks quite excited. Are we going away for a few days? I don’t think Mum has packed my lead… Hang on a second what’s that you are saying Mum?

‘Come on Flick out the way…. No sweetheart you aren’t coming.’

What?! Not coming? Who will Protect you? Who will clear up the crumbs and weaning misadventures? I see well I know my place…

*Curl into bed looking reproachful*

Oh so you are coming to say goodbye are you? I will take that biscuit but only because it’s been 49 minutes since I had breakfast. Don’t tell me to be good, because I am already deciding on suitable punishments for this abandonment. When you shut that front door my brother and I are going HOWL…

*four days later, two thin and starving dogs are waiting (ok that’s an exaggeration 45 minutes later the dog sitter arrives)*

Oooh it’s you! How long are you staying? Did you bring those treats you know I love? Ah fab a walk! I could definitely stretch my legs…

*several hours later*

Ah can we sit with you on the couch? Excellent, I will snuggle in here with you…. That was an enormous tea you gave me, Mum is usually much more stingey. So you are staying tonight? Brilliant that means two walks tomorrow and more couch cuddles. This is the life…

*5 days later, 1 hour after dog sitter has left. Front door opens…*

You’re back!!! Hooray! Quick head count. Dad, small pink one, medium blue one and the betrayer. Dad, Dad I am so pleased to see you! Look how trim I am looking after all my walks. Don’t speak to me betrayer, my initial welcome was a moment of weakness. I am going to sit on my bed and stare at the radiator…

Nope that biscuit is not going to work. I will eat it only because I hate waste. No I won’t sit on the couch with you or show you my tummy. Talk to the paw cos the face ain’t listening. Please serve my dinner with minimal interaction…. There is no point cuddling me. I won’t forgive you for this. If you hadn’t shut your bedroom door I would have vomited on your pillow while you were gone. I can’t even bear to look at you, I am going to bed…

*next morning*

MUM! Oh I love you. So pleased you are home. Scratch my ears while I fire myself at your knees. Yes breakfast would be grand, then can I come sit with you??

Diary of an imperfect mum

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners

No publisher ID given

So you have seen those adorable Sausage Dogs invading our TV screens recently – seems everywhere you look you see these funny little chaps trotting about. Don’t be deceived into believing that these cute little Sausages are going to be an easy addition to family life. By their very nature dachshunds are stubborn and tenacious, incredibly loyal and loving, but they know their own mind. Training them is, in my experience, very much on their own terms! In all honesty you don’t own a dachshund, a dachshund owns you…

10 Rules for Dachshund Owners – as Written by a Human Owned by a Dachshund


This Mum's Life
No publisher ID given

The Tale of The Very Hungry Sausages

This week at Pudding HQ we have been struggling to get the floors replaced following a slight flood! Stressful enough you might think but add to the mix a preschooler, a teething 5 months old and two Sausages and frankly it becomes almost impossible!

Naughty Sausages

The whole house was in disarray as the entire down floor was being replaced. I opted to take the kids out leaving Mr P to project manage and watch the Sausages. This was a mistake… When the flooring guys and Mr P needed to move the fridge they emptied the contents on to the lawn, where the Sausages were sunbathing. (Having scared the flooring guys to death already by barking like a couple of Doberman!) Now I would have said that this was probably one of the most foolish ideas poor Mr P has had in a while, because by the time he realised how silly this was the Sausages had eaten the majority of the fridge contents! It reads a little like the Saturday in The Hungry Caterpillar:

1 x block of Mature Cheddar (unopened)

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

1 x Pork & Cider Casserole (left over from the previous night)

2 x Carrots

1 x Pack of Continental Meats

1 x Tub of Creme Fraiche

6 x Half Eaten Mushrooms (clearly not a favourite)

1 x nibbled Pepper (not man enough for that)

You would think after this list that the Sausages would be satisfied, surely two small dogs could eat nothing further? Wrong! Not satisfied with the fridge contents they then started on the wooden spoons/spatulas that had also been moved outside. My best wooden spoon was totally destroyed! When I arrived back with the children both Sausages were more like burgers! (They were also quite chastened as I can only imagine how cross Mr P would have been).

The end of the story? No. I went out later that day to take Mr P somewhere, without thinking I left the changing bag (will I ever learn) downstairs and I left my work bag on the stairs. Because the Sausages were snoozing innocently on their bed, I stupidly left them free run of the house. Another HUGE mistake! On returning home, it became clear that there is no end to the stomach of a Sausage! In the 45 minutes I had been gone they added the following to their Hungry Caterpillar list:

4 x French Fancies (including half the cardboard box)

1 x Mr Kipling Angel Cake (plastic wrapping spotless)

2 x Mars Bars (taken from the unopened multi-pack and unwrapped from their original packages)

The last items were a huge concern to me, I mean everyone knows that chocolate is poison for dogs, despite being mad at them for eating MY Mars bars (I was saving those for the evening), I watched them like a hawk debating whether they needed veterinary attention. My concern was unnecessary, I should have know that these two are indestructable, apart from waddling about all evening due to being so stuffed with the days spoils (they still requested their dinner, a request that I have to say was denied!) there were no ill effects. A few extra poos for me to clean up that was all…

They didn’t even have the decency to look guilty about their exploits –  therefore I have no choice but to sit them down and drum into them the following mantra ‘I am A Dachshund not a Dustbin!’

The PramshedMumzilla

My Dastardly Dachshund

**Disclaimer For those of you with slightly weak stomachs or who have recently eaten this is an advanced warning that this post contains a lot of items pertaining to poo, poo eating and general poop sandwiches. If you find the idea of this disgusting or are easily offended, I strongly recommend that you read no further and don’t buy a dachshund…**


For the rest of you please let me introduce Flick my beautiful smooth haired mini daxie, look at that face…. Butter wouldn’t melt right? WRONG. This dog was sent from Poo City in the land of Eatanykindashit to terrorise me at Pudding HQ. Flick has always had the tendency to be a garbage disposal unit, she is the only dog I know who can scale a dining table and at only 8 inches tall that’s pretty impressive, but its not her food stealing that really gets to me its the non-food substances. There is nothing worse than having a dog who consistently eats poo – she has no limitations what so ever, horse poo, rabbit poo, and her personal favourite fox poo. She loves that last one so much that we have to keep a bottle of ketchup just for her so that we can wash her in it after she has rolled through a great steaming pile…. but enough of her general misdemeanours, let me tell you about today.

The general Sausage behaviour at Pudding HQ has seen some improvement in the last few weeks, and in hindsight this was probably the reason I let my guard down. I was fooled into a sense of security by a couple of chipolatas… Tonight I had to pop to the Drs and with Mr Pudding at work this meant I had to take Pudding & Pie with me and the appointment was right on tea time. Not a great beginining but manageable I thought. Kids loaded into car, no need to take all the usual stuff, we weren’t going to be long. Arrive at the Drs – speak to receptionist, sinking realisation that the appointment is in fact next week, damn! Get kids back in the car and head home, we have been all but 15 minutes maximum…


Open the front door. Strangely there is no barking which is unusual, normally both dogs go crazy. Look into the living room and down towards the kitchen to see Flicks pig-like hind quarters wobble round a corner. Then the carnage that is the front room hits me! In the 15 minutes we have been gone Flick has decided that she wants to get into the changing bag , where completely forgotten is an unopened dairylea dunker, or should I say there was! There is now a pristine clean empty dairylea dunker package on the couch, whilst the floor has fallen victim to what was probably only 3 tissues but at this point looks like about 1000…

The entire contents is out of the changing bag and as I begin to clear up the mess I put my hand in something sticky. There it is that moment of complete horror when you realise that the dog has in fact pierced the bonjela teething gel and has eaten half the tube, I whip round to see where she is and if she is ok. At this point Flick is laid on her bed looking at me, slightly quizzically.


She knows I am angry but she knows if she stays still I will probably just let it go. I guess she probably would have licked me as an apology but her lips and tongue were numb (bonjela appears to be more effective on numbing dog faces than baby gums…) Having cleared up changing bag carnage, I feed the kids, deal with a huge eight legged creature who had to meet a watery end down the plug hole (I have a poo eating sausage dog to contend with I don’t have time or braveness to handle humane removal of hairy spiders as well). We all have a lovely bath time and head up stairs for a story.

About 10 mins later I send Pie down to grab the potty in case he needs the loo in the night. Cue an almighty scream followed by ‘MUM there is POO EVERYWHERE’. Oh no, damn damn damn, in my haste to get the kids to bed I have left Puddings disgusting post immunisation nappy folded on the top of the bathroom bin ready to take straight outside. Except now it isn’t on the bin, no no, its strewn all. over. the. house. Those who have never had a nappy shredded may not realise that a wet nappy is full of gel beads that are quite slimey and on top of this is a layer of loose evil smelling poop. I put the kids to bed, the damage is done now after all! As i come down the stairs an awful smell hits my nostrils, I walk through the dining room, stepping over some poo covered wipes, Toby is on his bed shaking and looking thoroughly disgusted (Toby hates poo, he is more of a sick kinda guy).

Flick is nowhere to be seen, but as I head for the source of the awful stench now leaking round my house I can see her in the bathroom. She doesn’t hear me coming, she has her head down snaffling chunks of poo and licking baby wipes clean, as if the smell is not bad enough to witness that was really the final straw – she was banished to the garden whilst clean up was undertaken…

You would think I would have  learnt my lesson with Flick. Like I said she is a self confessed-pooaholic. I should have realised from when I first started potty training Pie and she stole the poo out of the potty before I could tell him what a great job he had done (I swear that is why we are still fighting the potty training!), that she was an addict. That all temptation needed to be removed… But alas she still lulls me into thinking she will be ok, its those eyes, I just can’t resist them. She is the naughtiest, most disgusting, poo eating dastardly dachshund that has ever lived, but by god she makes me laugh and I wouldn’t really have her any other way!

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

The Great Car Journey


It all started like any other car  journey from my parents back home. I gathered the various items that had been scattered to the 4 corners of the house. I then stuffed them into our suitcases before attempting to play Tetris with various items in the boot. I don’t know why I I insist on bringing the pram wheels.  We never use them but I like to be prepared. So having finally stuffed everything in I begin the task of wrestling Pie into his shoes and persuading him that yes he will need a wee before he gets in the car.

Meanwhile Nana is changing Pudding and attempting to feed her some milk. Nappy change went well, getting milk in her, not so good. Pudding is one of those babies who eats only when she wants too and all of natures elements are in line. The sausage dogs have yet another toilet run. My dad mentions something about my boy sausage but I figure it’s probably nothing and finally I load two children and two dogs into the car. Phew what a mission, but least now they are all confined it shouldn’t be too bad right?

Sausage Dog

Oh had I known then what I know now…. We set off and I tell Pie we will need to stop for petrol, and he immediately starts listing all the things he wants from the garage. We stop and fill up, I notice as I am paying they have one of those traffic board things and its flagging up problems on the M25. I moan to the chap at the desk, he laughs and says we usually just leave that one up as there is always some problem! At this point I think; it’s all right for you mate you haven’t got the equivalent of an H bomb sitting in your car….

I climb back in, surprisingly all is quiet and Pie takes it quite well that I have not brought sweets. Quick check on Google maps shows the M25 is at standstill. Damn, work out new route to join the motorway a bit further up, battery on phone really low but I reckon it will last, off we go….

The first part of the journey is a doddle, all kids and dogs have a snooze and I sing along quite happily to the radio, admiring some of the beautiful towns near where my parents live. As we join the motorway I am feeling quite smug all the cars are moving quite well, my plan has worked. Well it has for 3 minutes and then we found the traffic. An hour later Pie woke up and we were still sat on the motorway. I handed him a sponge finger and we talked about the aeroplanes that kept flying over our heads. It was at this point Pie said ‘never mind the sick Spotty Dog, I have some on my trousers too it’s ok’ to which I said ‘what sick mate?’ Well it transpired that the boy sausage had been sick on his bed.

When the traffic stopped again I turned round to see two huge piles of sick on the dog bed and my boy sausage looking very sorry for himself. My girl sausage was disgusted with him and she had got down and was lying in Pies footwell. Pie just shrugged and said never mind Mummy, I couldn’t believe he was taking it so well!

It was 5 minutes later when Pie started laughing like a mad person that things really went down hill. There was a slight squelchy bottom noise from the back, followed by ‘Mummy, Toby is having a poo’. Good lord that wasn’t a poo, that was explosive dog diarrhoea, all over the back of the car! I can’t even describe to you the smell, but suffice to say in a hot car it was pretty awful! Pie and I looked at the stand still traffic and we just laughed and laughed, what else could we do?

I have to say an hour and half later we were not laughing quite so hard. Pudding had woke for a feed and was screaming her lungs out, the air in the car can only be described as chewy. Finally we turned off the motorway and into the service station. The clean up operation was a nightmare. Pie was a star, he stood outside the car for 20 mins while I removed the dogs and tied them to a tree, threw their bed in a bin and wiped the whole back seat down with a baby wipe. (Honestly I haven’t found anything that a pack of baby wipes can’t clean).

Once the dogs were loaded back into the car, we went to grab a MacDonalds, because at times like this the only thing you can do is eat. Unfortunately we had to go back and eat this in the car, which was still pretty grim but we couldn’t leave the dogs in the car on their own. Once everyone was fed and watered we got back on the road and finally got home after 6 hours of travelling, luckily with no further disasters!

This trip has taught me a valuable lesson, when Grandad says ‘your dogs got a bit of an upset tummy’, you should listen to him and take travelling precautions. Suffice to say the car has had to be valeted today.

Photo Credit: MAIDMENT via Compfight cc

Pink Pear Bear

Pink Pear Bear